


Forgiveness

by CosmicCove



Category: LEGO Nexo Knights, Lego - All Media Types
Genre: Almost the whole thing is dialogue tbh, Dialogue Heavy, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Other, anxiety mentioned but not heavy topic, could be read as Claytro but not necessarily, if that is triggering to you maybe don't read this, lots of self hate involved soooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-07 17:21:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20979575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CosmicCove/pseuds/CosmicCove
Summary: Post-season 4.Jestro is having trouble grappling with his past actions, and Clay is there to comfort him.





	Forgiveness

Contemplation. Jestro hated it with a passion, because he could not stop. If he could turn off thinking he could. He knows it’s not possible to escape the past, but he longed for the day he might forget. Even when he slept, he was reminded of what he did, reliving every terrible memory. There was not one action he took that he could not remember, no horrible thing he said that he forgot. It ate him from the inside out, like a giant termite that lived in his heart had awakened and was trying to chew itself out. “Would anybody care, though, if the man who put them through so much pain were going through so much pain himself? Surely not,” he thought to himself. So instead of talking or crying, he tugged on the ends of his jester hat with unseen worry, and smile the realest fake smile he could muster.  
It all became too much, so he sat in a field outside of the kingdom, and for the first time in months, he let himself feel. He didn’t make a single noise, he just curled up and felt the tears roll down his face softly. It felt like a huge pressure was lifted off his chest, leaving behind a small void. He prefered that emptiness to the alternative.  
“...Jestro?” Clay’s familiar voice sounded behind him.  
No, no, he definitely did not want Clay to see him in this state! He scrunched up even tighter, like he might disappear if he looked small enough. Anxiety wrapped around him like a snake, constricting him with dread. Tears came faster as his thoughts raced, telling himself, “No one should see me cry. I don’t deserve to be seen, anyways. I have been just plain awful for so long and-”  
A soft hand on his shoulder broke his hateful train of thought. “Buddy, are you okay?” Clay asked, clearly worried.  
The clown dared to peek up at the knight sitting beside him. His make-up had run from the tears, leaving behind bizarre patterns like the electricity that had flowed through him mere months before had. Clay’s concerned eyes looked into his own tearful, wide eyes. “I’m fine,” Jestro peeped, his small voice quivering.  
“You’re not fine, your crying,” Clay pointed out, “What’s bothering you?”  
Jestro sniffled. “It’s just… I’ve been so terrible, and now I don’t know what I’ll do with myself.”  
“You know that us knights are doing our best to welcome you back in,” Clay replied, giving Jestro a small hug, “I know some of them still haven’t regained their trust for you yet, and maybe it hurts to know that, but we’re trying.”  
Jestro nodded. “It just- Sometimes I feel like nothing I can do now will make up for it.”  
“It’s not about making up for it, it’s about how you are making an effort to fight the evil that held you,” Clay explained.  
“I hurt you all so much, though,” Jestro fretted, “Especially you. I got you turned to stone. How do I get past that?”  
Clay answered, “Everything’s alright now. Focus on the future. So many better things are going to happen now.”  
“I can’t,”Jestro whimpered.  
“You underestimate yourself,” Clay noted, shaking his head with a soft smile, “I understand you you feel.”  
“You understand how I feel? You’ve been nothing but good you whole life!” Jestro voice rose.  
Clay was taken aback. “No, I meant- I’m sorry. It’s probably not easy to live with the fact that you were taken advantage of in such a way. But that’s just it. Monstrux manipulated you.”  
“No, you’re wrong,” Jestro confessed, fresh tears revealing themselves, “Some of that, I chose to do. I was so caught up in being good at something, anything, I didn’t stop to think about the consequences. I’ve been so horrible. I really don’t deserve pity from anyone. Especially any of you guys.”  
“Well..” Clay trailed off, “I guess there is some responsibility to be taken, if that’s the truth, but you’ve taken responsibility for you actions thus far.”  
“It doesn’t feel like enough,” Jestro sighed.  
“Maybe it doesn’t. Someday, you’ll realize it. You’ll realize you have a good heart. At your core, you like to do good things. It’s who you are.”  
“I don’t feel that. I feel like I like whatever makes me feel important. It has nothing to do with bad or good, just usefulness. I’m not a good person. I’m selfish.”  
Clay grimaced. “That may be the case, but think about it. Even when you worked with Monstrux, you admitted that you liked being good better, even if being bad made you feel good for something. What you need to understand is that you are not useless, regardless of what you do.”  
“Maybe that’s how it used to be, but no any more. I don’t deserve nice things anymore.”  
“That’s not true, Jestro. Everyone deserves nice things.”  
“Nice people deserve nice things! Nice people like you! Like our friends!”  
“Nice people like you too!”  
“I’m not nice, Clay!” Jestro yelled, “I have never been nice!”  
“That’s not true,” clay retaliated cooly, shaking is head, “You are nice. You need to be willing see that in yourself.”  
“I am willing! It’s just not there.”  
“I see it. Other people see it. I know they do because they gave you a second chance. They forgave you.”  
“Forgave me?” Jestro screamed, “How did they forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?”  
They stood there in silence, staring at each other. Clay looked at Jestro in shock, like he could see something he couldn’t see before. There was something Clay hadn’t noticed before was there, shining in Jestro’s tears. There was hate. It wasn’t hate for any misdeeds done against him, or for anyone he knew, it was the kind of hate that targets your own flaws, and makes you forget how to love who you are.  
“Oh, Jestro…” Clay murmured. He hugged Jestro tightly, and let him cry into his shoulder. Time felt slow, not the way it does when your waiting, but the way it does when you are dreading something. Clay tried to think of something more to say, but there were no words, so he let his friend continue to sob until he had not more tears left to cry.  
“Thanks Clay,” Jestro mumbled, wiping a few remaining tears from his cheeks. His makeup was smeared every which way now, and patches of unconcealed skin were visible.  
“I’m always here for you,” Clay replied softly, “What you’re going through isn’t easy. Forgiving yourself? That may take a long time. But we are going to work on that, alright? You deserve that much, even if you don’t think so.”  
Jestro nodded in agreement, partially because he was to tired to argue further, and partially because he knew deep down Clay was right. Everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> If it seems not that great, I wrote it in study hall. That's why.


End file.
